Living with Regret

 I Live every day with regret.  The regret is not being with my Mom on her last days.  The last time I saw her blue blue eyes was at the dr. office. I had an appt. and I guess she did to.  She sat in her wheel chair and I sat on the other side of the room,not looking at her. I would sneak a peek every once in a while and I would see her looking at me with sad eyes.  That is the last time I saw those blue eyes. It hurts me every day knowing that my Mother left this earth and I did not say I LOVE YOU MOM! I am so ashamed of myself for letting stupid things get in between my love for her.  I am writeing this so other people don't do the most unforgiveable in your own heart and mind. Because I live every day with a broken heart for my Mom. You had a hard life, and in your days of your death they also where hard.  I am so SORRY Mom I Love yOu with all my broken heart for you. Because I know you Loved me with all your heart.  You use to say I was your little Queen that is how I got my name Marqueen.  Love You!

To Much Work for Old Folks!

 main house master bedroom

main house dining room or another living room

barn house living room

main house kitchen

main house living room

Well, the two houses are almost finished.  Ricky has a little bit to do in the kitchen of the barn house.  It was a long hard road for all of us that helped on the houses to get them ready to sale. Now it is time to advertise and try to get it sold without going through a realtor. It is not going to be easy the hole project has not been easy, so if we can just hold on till we can get it sold.  It just has been so much stress and money. Here are a couple of pictures of the house like I said it has not been easy not even getting good pictures of the rooms. It all came out so clean looking like a new house.  Thanks to all the hard work from all of us. The guys let the girls figure out the color of the walls and light fixtures like smart men they  just went along with it.  Angie and I went rounds a few times on the color of the walls but we met in the middle not to dark and not white.  And Nicole all the assignments we gave her she made straight A's she did such awesome job on painting the stairs and cleaning she did a great job!  And Ricky EVERYTHING he does comes out Great! I don't know where he got all his smarts because he knows how to do everything! What a Great Son in law we have!   And of course my smart and hard working husband he was up at 5:00 in the morning over at the houses working every day for the last two months. He has been out in the sun so much he is dark dark. He has and apt. for the dermatologist on the 22 of this month that Dr. is going to say well you have not listened to me about staying out of the sun or using sun screen I can see that.  But he sure looks good (Roy). And Chad him and Ricky did a great job tearing down the old laundry room and hauling it off.  Yes Chad the barn house and main house looks GREAT he pressure washed it and the wood and mildew is all gone!  And me Don't Ask me to FLIP another house!  I have had enough paint on me and sweat I should have lost a ton of weight but oh NO I don't loose anything.  Well, we will be GLAD when this night mare is over and GONE!

Why Oh Why??

I am very upset today because I just found out from my son that another young person took their own life.. Why oh why, and you know he is the only one that knows all the pain he was going through to do what he did. I didn't even know him that well, he was my sons ex-wife brother,but I had seen him and said hi a few times. I heard he was a nice guy,but the pain he had, must of been   something he could not live with, for him to of hung his self. I am so sorry to his Mom and Dad and family, they have to live with the pain of loosing him. I hope he left them a letter to make since of his death.  I had to write about this because it made me feel so sad knowing that his parents will never know now how their son's life would of been.  He cut it short, and they will never know what it could of been if he  would of just took a different path. So sad for a young life to end so early. Rest in Peace Joseph Cotton.

Friends

I call my daughter my friend now that she is older, and I also have two sister-in-laws that I think of as friends and sisters because I did not have any sisters.I hope they feel the same.  I feel bad because my daughter does not have any sisters  and I know she would of liked to have one sister to share things with.  And of course my main friend is my husband,but some times you need some girl friends.  I have not been the one to go out and get friends. While my husband was in the military he use to bring home the friends and I would always end up being friends with the wife..
Then I have my sons wife she is my friend. But then their is the friends that I found all by my self, that is my school year friends while growing up.  I know where two of them are and we email each other ever once in a while but they where not easy to find after we went our own ways. One friend I spent hours and days on the computer going through names looking for her or her Moms name and I knew they went to the state of Washington.  Finally one day I called this no. and I heard this little voice and guess what it was her Mom. She was just as surprised as I was.  She gave me her daughters phone no. and we got into contact and have been keeping in touch ever since and also she was in the process of moving back to the town we met.  When she moved back the three of us got together for a little reunion.  It was  so good getting to hear all their stories and talking about the past. Some of the stories they told where very sad and some funny. We had so much fun together, those memories will always be with me.  Seeing that they both are living a good life makes me feel so Good!  Then their are the friends that I cannot find and one lives here in Florida. I have looked for her on the computer even stopped in the town she lived in at one time and looked in phone books but cannot find her. Any way I am just GLAD I have the friends I have,since I don't have to  many but who cares, the ones I do have I can count on them to be there when I need to talk... Love to my Friends! And a special Love for my family friends!

Who is the Number 1 Child with a Mother that has 4

The love from a Mother to her children is never ending love, she would do any thing for her kids. We are here on this earth to protect,guide,teach,and show them love, and everything that a mother does for their children while they are young.  Once they hit the age 18 you are hoping that they would leave the nest and fly like a responsible,almost mature young person. But what if they don't?  And you have different views on the way you should live your life then they do. Then their is the old horrible thing of jealousies between brothers and sisters. Like Cain and Able,Why do they have to be jealous of each other?
They should be proud to have a brother or sister that is doing well in life. They should be thinking i sure am Glad that they are doing good instead of thinking, they just think they have more then me an are trying to flaunt it.  It is not called flaunting it, if they want to show you something they bought, we all do that, we are proud of having nice things and want to show them off. Brothers and Sisters should have love for each other just like a mother and father has love for all their children.  Then their is the jealousy of child and parent.  Just because a parent is speaking to one more then the other does not mean that she loves them more.  Like  I said the mothers love for all her children is the Same when it comes down to each one of them. She just may be disappointed in one or the other once in a while but her Love is always their for her kids....So the jealousy between Brother and Sister and Mother,Father and Child should never be! Life is so short and it seems shorter has you get older...

The Begining and then the End

Here we are crying when we have a new love one born. Then when we have a love one pass on we are also crying no matter what we are crying.  Every thing goes in a full circle like my husband said he started out with corvettes and now he has gone in a full circle he has a corvette now. 

You know I thought about it the other day, when my grand daughter was here and she said you know "you are going to die one day and  i am going to cry and cry" she said.. I really didn't know what to say to her except that she will be ok. After she left I thought to my self I am going to have to prepare her and the other grand kids for what is going to happen one day,that her Me Maw and Paw Paw will not be here for ever and that when it does happen we will always be with them and watch down on them. It was very hard on my little Lexi when her Old Grandma died she had grown to know her and when she died she was hurt,and wondering where she went. We cannot just leave our little ones not knowing what happened to their Grand Parents. It is going to be hard on them, but hopefully I can prepare them all to know I will always be with them.  So lets stop crying and smile and be Happy right now!

To a Great Husband and Dad

You know most of us always tell our husbands that we love them, but not tell him why.  I know I haven't told him very often why I love him..
You know all women say they want a man that loved his Mom well my Husband loved his Mother!  He always made sure me and the kids had what we needed. And I can say he has given me everything I have ever wanted between material things to love and affection.  We have never argued about money. He has always treated me like I am his best friend.  We have been married for 38 years and of course their are ups and downs, but I am so Glad we both worked on all our problems and I am so GLAD! 
Sometimes I get upset if I have to hear the same story over for the 1,000 time but really I am so GLAD to be able to hear it.
He is strong,he does what he says and expects his kids to do what they say.
He has always wanted his kids to have more then we have had..
He has always wanted them to be responsible. 
He loves them all, kids and Grand kids... 
One of the things that makes my Husband so special during all the years, that we have been married is that when I  thought that he needed changing for the better, he tried to work on it so we can be happier. He did a good job of making us very Happy! 
He has always let me speak my mind and I never had to  be afraid to tell him how I feel because he has always been my friend to run to when I felt down. We are a team for life and then after!!!
HAPPY FATHERS DAY to my Wonderful Husband you are just the GREATEST I LOVE YOU!!!!