Lord Please Help Me Stop Crying....

The night our Son was almost taken from us. Jan17,2012 at 8:30 at night I got a call from his girlfriend saying Chad just left and was not in his right frame of mind. So I got dressed and went to the house where I thought he might be,he was not at the house but the man that lived there was on the phone with someone that told him Chad just got in a wreck he was told by
a friend. I was just so upset trying to figure out where to go and what to do waiting for the man to tell me where Chad was at mean time I called Angie and Ricky they came down and we went to where Chad had the wreck. Thank goodness it was on the main road across from the Road House steak house. When we got to the accident all was there was Chads truck that he had just got that day from a guy. The man at the scene said the ambulance just left so I followed Angie to the nearest hospital and they said he was not at that hospital they called the nearest trauma center Sacret Heart and Chad was just getting to that hospital. I had to run back home and get Roy so we could get to the hospital. The hospital is about 30 min. from the house so we where trying to get to it as fast as we could. In the mean time the girl friend is calling asking me to come pick her up and I said I am on my way to the hospital I am not stopping to turn around and get you. So Joe was already going to pick her up. We arrive at the hospital and no one kneww where Chad was at they had him as a John Doe. We where running every where trying to find him when they had him in the operating room already trying to put his brain back in his head and putting him together again. After hours went by Dr. Neumann came out to see us and told us that Chad was in Very Serious condition and had a 50/50 chance of living the next 78 hours was very crucial. Chad has multiple fractures in his face he had to have plates to hold his eyebrow up to support his eye. Broke ribs and a cut on his right eye lid.
When we saw Chad he had life support ventilator helping him to breath,and the tube in his nose to his stomach to pump out the blood that he had swolled. That morning on the 18th it had been raining very hard and Chad son lives in Daphney,Ala. so his Mom (Emily) brought Keenan to the hospital to see his Dad and he could not stop crying for 30 min. or so he was trying to crawl on his Mom to hold him he just could not take the Pain of seeing his Dad like that ..
That night at the 8:30 visiting hour we where all in Chads room and they where medically trying to wake him up slowly and he woke up sat up very quickly and pulled his life support out of his nose and mouth and threw up blood everywhere we where all so shocked I reached down and grapped ahold of his legs and the nurse was by his side thank goodness and Chad went up underneath the nurses arm (he was a man nurse) and fighting with him Roy and I holding Chad down and the nurse calling for help they finally got into the room and took ahold of Chad and got him under the medicine real fast. We where just all in a panic mold not knowing what was going on with Chad. Screaming and crying and just shock. Ricky had gotten ahold of me and was holding me and they told us all to get out and I did not want to leave Chad.  But they had it under control and they said he was going to be ok.  They got all his stuff put back on him and they let us see him just for a minute so that we knew he was ok. The man RN said he never had anyone as strong as Chad wake up like that and give a good fight.
The next few days was like being in a bad bad dream. Since the family is not getting along it made things worse. The nurses said only two at a time in Chads room so since we where not communicating with some of the family we just let them go first and Roy and I sat back and let them go then we took the last 30 min. well one night one of Chads Brother,wife and girlfriend did not want to come out and it was our turn to go in and well you can imagine what went on a big argument.  And the girlfriends Mom gets in Roy's face and it was such a bad dream...It was our turn but for some reason they just could not figure out that the nurses said only two at a time...Chads girlfriend kept saying she was his wife and she was in control well, she was not his wife and we had control there was one person that we did not let go in to see Chad and I am not going to say who she knows who because Chad had never liked her.  Other wise every one was aloud to see Chad when ever they wanted. Roy and I spent 14 days sleeping in the waiting room of the trauma center on these chairs that made out to be beds we had it set up real nice our tv and all.  Marie and David my brothers wife brought us food quite a few times and was just their for us.
On Jan23 they started taking things away from Chad like the hose to his stomach and then the breathing tube and by Feb 1 he went to the rehab center at West Florida hospital. He had to learn how to walk ,talk,feed his self and Think ... Feb 6th Chad has been having bad head aches everyday,on that day they got Chad to shave his self and take bolts out of a block and he did real good.  On the 7th Chad went outside and identified a whole list of things to find like 3 stop signs ,water sprinkler then the therapist had Chad go back into the pt room and find a fire ex stinger,Chad walked over to one of the therapist and said to him "Sir can you tell me where the fire ex stinger is located" the man stood up and said yes sir right over there. The therapist looked at me and Angie and then realized Chad was a patient,the man said to me and Angie "He said that with such authority I thought he was and inspector". We all just laughed. Chad would say and do lots of funny things this past week.  The therapist had to teach Chad how to do every day life things like getting in a car bathing his self. They took a group of patients to Walmart and Chad had to buy some things and he did good but he got dizzy and had to sit down.
On Feb.10th Chad was releases to go home. He had to have Nicole take him back and forth three times a week for PT. We wanted Chad to come home with us but he went to Joe's house because Chad did not have electricity. Well, we did not see him very much unless we would run into him at the gas station or somewhere.
On Feb27,2012 We got a call from Chad about 9:00 at night he told me he might have to have brain surgery again. That he was at the hospital Sacred Heart in the trauma emergency center. So again I was not dressed i hurried and got dressed,Roy and I was off again.  So again we get to the hospital and only two at a time can go back and see him this time Nicole was in charge because her and Chad had gotten married a couple of days after he got out of the rehab center.  So Angie and I are not speaking to Nicole for all that she has done and said to us. So still more Drama in the family. So I go back and Angie is already beat us to the hospital and she was back and Nicole well,Nicole was not going to leave for me and Roy to go back so I went back to see Chad and he was just in so much pain and having to deal with stupid stuff like her not letting Roy come back to see him. So Chad told her (Nicole) to leave so his Dad could come back and see him. I was sitting out in the waiting room and she goes storming by and does not say anything so I get up and go into  see Chad and I had to tell Chad Daddy had done gone home and he loves you and will be up to see you when you get in a room. Roy did not want any arguing to go on so he just went home. Well,at the time I did not even know that Chad and Nicole was married and I saw a wedding ring on his finger and I said what is that and I looked at Angie and i said I hope that is not what i think and Angie shook her head yes they got married. 
Feb 29 Chad had an epidural in his spine trying to get some of the fluid off his brain. They said he had spinal meningitis.
 March 3rd They took him down to have a CT scan and check everything well, I almost went crazy that day Chad was down in the basement having his CT scan and it was taking a long time I was standing by the elevator waiting for him to come back up. The nurses get a call from downstairs and they come and tell us that Chad is not doing good so Nicole and I go down stairs and find the room and then we see Dr. Neumann come running in and go to the back room where Chad is and Nicole and I are the only ones in the room and I take a peek in and I could see about 6 people I don't know what their titles are but they are looking down I knew they where looking at Chad and they all had a sad face on I just lost it I was crying and crying and Nicole telling me they are going to throw us out of their and who cares I just knew my son was dieing and I had heard that he did die three times I saw a nurse with some big needles.. The Dr. Neumann came out and said Chad was going up stairs back into the trauma center room with life support. He was just in a regular room now he is going back into the trauma center 3rd floor we just got off of that floor we can't go back on that floor.
That night when we go into see Chad they had him on the Porfirio again (Michael Jackson juice) and back on life support with a whole lot of antibiotics going into him. When they would wake Chad up he would come out slowly and they would let him be up for a while before they would put him back to sleep this went on for almost 10 days but when Chad was awake he would Cry and it was like he was mad at Nicole he would kick at her and would use his fingers to show us to get her out of the room but she would not leave she is so mean. They had to keep Chad tied down for 19 days. Every time the Dr. Neumann would want to do a procedure on Chad they had to ask Nicole to sign the paper work and she would not do it until she talked to Dr. Neumann well dumbo he is the one wanting the procedure done like fixing the wholes in his face she went two days before she signed the paper work. And there was another procedure that had to be done and she would not sign the paper work till she talked to the Dr. and asked all her STUPID questions   bimbo he would not ask you to sign the paper work if he thought Chad did not need the operation...But Chad put this control in her hands and she would not even give Chads son Keenan that does not live in Milton the password to find out how his Dad is doing because Nicole was so afraid that he would give it to us Me and Roy and Angie and Ricky. By the way Ricky and Angie just paid her $650.00 electric bill you are so Grateful...BUt Chad married her when he was not in his right mind but now I think he thinks he has no choice now no one will take care of him because of the way he looks that is why I think he is with her but he does have Two beautiful babies with her.
March 7th Chad was scheduled for the ENT Dr. to do the surgery on his face to plug the holes with fat. That is why he got spinal meningitis because of the holes in  his face. 
The Dr. fixed the holes in his face.
Now that the holes are plugged up Chad is getting fluid on the brain and it has no where to go so it is building up.
Dr. Neumann says he has to put a shaunt in his skull to drain the fluid out of the air pockets of his brain.
Chad has changed so much he is not happy any more he is in depression he is not eating very well,small pieces at a time. Roy and I wanted Chad to come home with us and he said he did. He kept telling me and Roy he LOVES us so much. Chad stayed tied up for 19 days and in the trauma center for 21 days he was in for a long time on his back and tied up. And all the time I am sleeping outside in the trauma waiting room in a chair that makes into a bed Roy just could not do it any more and I understand. It is very hard. Nicole stayed in the waiting room till she finally got tires and insurance to beable to drive the truck around. I really believe she would of been gone long before she did if she would of had those two things. Because wants she got those two things she stayed gone for days at a time her excuse was the kids. Nicoles Mom and Gary was taking care of the kids and her Mom said don't worry about the kids...Anyway...Chad had hydrocephalitis and had to get a shaunt in his brain to direct  the fluid into the stomach area.
March 20 Chad had a lot of paranoia he still knows who we are.  He holds his knees up. He did not want us to come into the room one time because we might get killed people where throwing spears at him he wanted us to get out of the room hurry he said you will get killed...I asked if it was because of the medicine and they said NO. They said it was because of the traumatic head injury he has had.
March 26 Chad was going to leave the hospital and he wanted to come home with me and his Dad but Nicole came up with this story that if Chad came home with us that they would loose their Medicaid. So Chad believed her even though he cannot think straight still. And the one social worker and nurse agreed with her and guess what she was not right she lied just to get Chad to the house with her. The medicaid person said as long as he does not change address he can come to the house.  Well Chad is just sick of the fighting. She made sure Chad knew everything and here I don't tell Chad anything because I don't want to up set him. Maybe some day I will tell him all that she has done ,the person he put in control of his life. I left out all the really good drama stuff that had happen while Chad was in the hospital. like
Nicole would not make a dicision for him to get surgeries.
Nicole kicked out one of Chads friends that put up the money in case he died. $7,500 then she thought about what she did and said he could see Chad and Kevin said that is ok he will see him when he gets out of trauma center.
She talks to Kevin like he owes her the money to get car insurance when he was just given it to them for Chad not her.
She gets Angie and i kicked out of Chads room she did it not us.
Nicole said Chad had a seizure when he did not have one she does not know what she is talking about and she lies all the time.
She was trying to turn the kids Noah and Kaylee against us telling them we are mean and they do not belive her because they still come to us and give us kisses. So WRONG!!!
I could go on and on about her what she did I left all the sick stuff out. But did not want to get into all that ......
Chad has Short Time memory he still cannot think right. He is with her and still real weak but doing ok.  I go and see him when I can.  My problem is every time I leave him I CRY he is such a sweet person and we Love him so Much!!!His Dad saw him just the other day and Nicole was getting metal to take to turn in and get money from a friend. Because she will not go to work I told her over and over I will take care of Chad and the kids so she will get a job but she want. So any way I had told Roy, Chad had some ragged old flip flops on and yukkie shorts and shirt so Roy went and got him some new flip flops, he took his old ones off and put the new ones on him and threw the old nasty ones away and then Chad said "Daddy I don't have any money " it was so sad Roy gave him some money and Roy said he would get him some new shorts and stuff.  Roy cried the rest of the day because it was so Sad knowing your son did not have any money and could not make any in the position he was in. Roy got him new shorts and shirts and the to grandkids an outfit a piece the next day and took it to him.  Chad has headaches every day,short time memory loss,and can not see out of his right eye very well,lots of pain in his body.He does not look like he use to.
I have got to STOP crying when I leave him Please Lord!!!!We LOVE him and our kids more then anything in the world but to see one that is hurt like he is and he may never beable to fly again really hurts.....

I Swear I Don't know what to Eat!

Now I see on Doctor Oz. the food that I am eating is not good for Thyroid problems. It slows it down,the food I should be eating is  Low fat Cheese,Cows Milk,Eggs,Shellfish,Soysauce,Low fat Ice Cream,Yogurt,Saltwater Fish and some more,since it is Iodine that we are lacking.  But here I am eating and drinking, Soy milk,corn, broccoli,Kale,almonds, everything I think is good for you slows the Thyroid down. I SWEAR I just don't know what to do.  I just started eating kale because it is good for your skin,and almonds to snack on.   Oh well I guess I will start not eating these things because I do want my thyroid to work better and i do trust Dr. Oz. I have lost 5 pounds in the last 3 weeks...Oct.14,2011
I have been googleing what to eat with thyroid problems and have learned quite a bit.  If I want to eat broccoli ,mustard greens,turnip greens,cauliflower,it has to be cooked.

My Days on Efudex

My Days on Efudex I have started Efudex not knowing ,but have been told that it is painful.  My Dermatologist was proud of me because I said I would do it. He said Not to many people will do it, even when they need to have it done. He would tell them they should have it done and he would give them the pamphlet on what to expect and they would tell him "NO they are not going to go through all that".  Plus a lot of people have to work and are not going to go in public looking like a monster or contagious. So I am retired and don't have to worry about going to work,so I will do it.  Plus I am over 50 a little ha ha, my personal feeling is that I don't think a lot of younger adults would have it done because they are still sun bathing and are not worried about sun cancer yet. It is getting out to the younger adults that it does make you look older, sun bathing or getting into tanning beds, but guess what they are not listening yet,and may not hear you until they are at 50 and are starting to get wrinkles,then they say" oh no I should of stayed out of the sun". Then they will go to a Dermatologist and BEG for the Efudex...  So this is really my first day because I didn't put it on till last night Oct 9,2011 so this is pictures of 9th and 10th Oct.  My neck is red and a little itchy. I wonder how many little skin precancers I will have? Oct 11,2011 my face is puffy and my neck is little itchy that is all that is going on so far. [Image]by Wondering Mind at 4:49 pm 1 Comments Oct 9,2011 Oct 10,2011 Wondering Mind at 4:49 pm 1 Comments The Path TraveledOct 11, 2011 10:58 AMYou have a long way to go. About the 5th day you should see some redd spots and a little burn look. Hang in there. Try to tie this blog with your oringinal one so that your followers will be able to keep up and comment. If you have to just copy the post and post it on your other one. There is a place to click on and name a page on there. Let me know if you need some help. Love ya, hang in there... No more!loading. .. Well ,this is day 5.5 and I feel my bottom lip is getting bigger then normal. I can see under the skin a lot of little red bumps. My neck on the side has a few spots showing up. Other wise neck is the reddest and more tingly. I have not called the Dr. yet but will soon.  He only works in that office 2 days a month because he is retired military and does this for free.  But anyway doing fine so far.  Have not put any make-up on since I started.  This is Oct.14 2011

11:58:00 AM

by Wondering

Oct 15 I only see red spots on my side of my neck. Maybe I want be getting it to bad that will be a good thing that means I don't have any precancers under my skin.  Well, we will see in the next few days..


Oct 16  not much has happened don't know why?

I have been on Efudex now for 11 days you really can't see the spots on the picture but I do have quite a bit on my chest and around my lips and some spots coming up on my forehead about 20 or so.  I feel ok at night around 5:00 it hurts more then in the day time. So take a look the Dr. said to keep putting the medicine on twice a day .  My next apt is on the 9th of November. 

Oct 24,2011 I have been on efudex now for 16 days I stopped useing it yesterday on Oct 23,2011. Now I am just waiting to get well.

18 days now Oct 26 I am turning green and scapping Hopefully soon i will be well I still feel the burn feeling and it hurts so bad.  Well I had more on my chest then face but under my nose and chin hurts the most,more then my chest. I know I did not have it as bad as my two sisters but I could feel the pain when I look at their pictures. This is something that is an on going pain for weeks if you don't know how to deal with the pain I would not do it. Like I would not want my husband to go through the pain,because he is already in a lot of pain with his neck.  I just make sure he goes to the skin dr. every 6 monthes to get them burned off and hopefully that will take care of it. 

Oct 30,2011 I started feeling better yesterday It was so good to wake up and not have a stiff face and hurting.  I have peeled but i am still red around the places that have peeled.  My neck and chest is still broke out and hurts it has been scappeing but still red and hurts.  But other wise I am so GLAD that is almost over with! I learned my lesson I will never do it again!! I can't even imagine how Betty  survived the pain what 2 times you did it to your self. Well, I am glad I got that over with so I don't have to worry about cancer on my face,neck and chest any more hopefully...

Living with Regret

 I Live every day with regret.  The regret is not being with my Mom on her last days.  The last time I saw her blue blue eyes was at the dr. office. I had an appt. and I guess she did to.  She sat in her wheel chair and I sat on the other side of the room,not looking at her. I would sneak a peek every once in a while and I would see her looking at me with sad eyes.  That is the last time I saw those blue eyes. It hurts me every day knowing that my Mother left this earth and I did not say I LOVE YOU MOM! I am so ashamed of myself for letting stupid things get in between my love for her.  I am writeing this so other people don't do the most unforgiveable in your own heart and mind. Because I live every day with a broken heart for my Mom. You had a hard life, and in your days of your death they also where hard.  I am so SORRY Mom I Love yOu with all my broken heart for you. Because I know you Loved me with all your heart.  You use to say I was your little Queen that is how I got my name Marqueen.  Love You!

To Much Work for Old Folks!

 main house master bedroom

main house dining room or another living room

barn house living room

main house kitchen

main house living room

Well, the two houses are almost finished.  Ricky has a little bit to do in the kitchen of the barn house.  It was a long hard road for all of us that helped on the houses to get them ready to sale. Now it is time to advertise and try to get it sold without going through a realtor. It is not going to be easy the hole project has not been easy, so if we can just hold on till we can get it sold.  It just has been so much stress and money. Here are a couple of pictures of the house like I said it has not been easy not even getting good pictures of the rooms. It all came out so clean looking like a new house.  Thanks to all the hard work from all of us. The guys let the girls figure out the color of the walls and light fixtures like smart men they  just went along with it.  Angie and I went rounds a few times on the color of the walls but we met in the middle not to dark and not white.  And Nicole all the assignments we gave her she made straight A's she did such awesome job on painting the stairs and cleaning she did a great job!  And Ricky EVERYTHING he does comes out Great! I don't know where he got all his smarts because he knows how to do everything! What a Great Son in law we have!   And of course my smart and hard working husband he was up at 5:00 in the morning over at the houses working every day for the last two months. He has been out in the sun so much he is dark dark. He has and apt. for the dermatologist on the 22 of this month that Dr. is going to say well you have not listened to me about staying out of the sun or using sun screen I can see that.  But he sure looks good (Roy). And Chad him and Ricky did a great job tearing down the old laundry room and hauling it off.  Yes Chad the barn house and main house looks GREAT he pressure washed it and the wood and mildew is all gone!  And me Don't Ask me to FLIP another house!  I have had enough paint on me and sweat I should have lost a ton of weight but oh NO I don't loose anything.  Well, we will be GLAD when this night mare is over and GONE!

Why Oh Why??

I am very upset today because I just found out from my son that another young person took their own life.. Why oh why, and you know he is the only one that knows all the pain he was going through to do what he did. I didn't even know him that well, he was my sons ex-wife brother,but I had seen him and said hi a few times. I heard he was a nice guy,but the pain he had, must of been   something he could not live with, for him to of hung his self. I am so sorry to his Mom and Dad and family, they have to live with the pain of loosing him. I hope he left them a letter to make since of his death.  I had to write about this because it made me feel so sad knowing that his parents will never know now how their son's life would of been.  He cut it short, and they will never know what it could of been if he  would of just took a different path. So sad for a young life to end so early. Rest in Peace Joseph Cotton.

Friends

I call my daughter my friend now that she is older, and I also have two sister-in-laws that I think of as friends and sisters because I did not have any sisters.I hope they feel the same.  I feel bad because my daughter does not have any sisters  and I know she would of liked to have one sister to share things with.  And of course my main friend is my husband,but some times you need some girl friends.  I have not been the one to go out and get friends. While my husband was in the military he use to bring home the friends and I would always end up being friends with the wife..
Then I have my sons wife she is my friend. But then their is the friends that I found all by my self, that is my school year friends while growing up.  I know where two of them are and we email each other ever once in a while but they where not easy to find after we went our own ways. One friend I spent hours and days on the computer going through names looking for her or her Moms name and I knew they went to the state of Washington.  Finally one day I called this no. and I heard this little voice and guess what it was her Mom. She was just as surprised as I was.  She gave me her daughters phone no. and we got into contact and have been keeping in touch ever since and also she was in the process of moving back to the town we met.  When she moved back the three of us got together for a little reunion.  It was  so good getting to hear all their stories and talking about the past. Some of the stories they told where very sad and some funny. We had so much fun together, those memories will always be with me.  Seeing that they both are living a good life makes me feel so Good!  Then their are the friends that I cannot find and one lives here in Florida. I have looked for her on the computer even stopped in the town she lived in at one time and looked in phone books but cannot find her. Any way I am just GLAD I have the friends I have,since I don't have to  many but who cares, the ones I do have I can count on them to be there when I need to talk... Love to my Friends! And a special Love for my family friends!